10. Public Restrooms. This includes but is not limited to: Porta-potties and rest areas. I have been inside a porta-potty all of 2 times in my life and since the last time have vowed never to go into one again...It. Was. Disgusting. People are so gross...(And this is coming from a person who has to clean up dog shit at least twice a day). I'll leave it at that.
As for the rest areas...it's not so much the public part of the restroom that scares me. (Though I will admit...the majority of the female gender apparently doesn't know how to wipe the seat after they're done...)It's more the people that hang out there that scare me. I've never been to a rest area and not seen at least one bearded, creepy old man standing outside watching every person that goes in. This is where my "make no eye contact" rule comes in. (Hey. If I don't look directly at them., in my mind that = I'm safe:). The same applies for random people standing on the side of the road with "will work for food signs".... and clowns.
9. This brings me to my next worst fear...CLOWNS! Oh. My. God. Whose ever idea it was to dress some middle-aged man or woman in a clown suit and put crazy make-up on was insane. INSANE! Who finds that entertaining? And it doesn't matter if they are skating around on an ice rink with little kids singing "What a great time for a great taste at McDonald's". (That's a little tribute to the old McDonald's 80's commercials.) But seriously, adding ice skates onto a clown? That only makes it easier and faster for them to catch you!
And let me just say, the clown from Poltergeist that suddenly became possessed and attacked the little boy scared the absolute s*** out of me! I mean seriously, I thought I was going to kill over from having a heart attack at the mere adolescent age of 12. One word: C.R.E.E.P.Y.
8. Accidentally eating meat at a restaurant. You ask why is that? Wouldn't you know what to order since you're a vegetarian and all? One would think it was that simple. But truth be told, I have had a few experiences of which this has happened.
Once I went to one of my then favorite Italian restaurants and ordered spaghetti with marinara sauce. Knowing that sometimes, chefs will marinate their sauce in beef stock, I specifically asked if it was vegetarian. They told me yes. So I'm sitting there eating my meal and suddenly feel my face turn as white as the dress I was wearing. I asked my mom to inspect my spaghetti and have a taste. (If you have ever been to a restaurant with me, you have probably seen me do this more than once:). She tasted it and told me it was meat. I. Could. Have. Died. I got the waitresses attention and informed her that I was a vegetarian and this is what she said to me:
"Oh." Giggle Giggle. "You didn't know?"
I looked at her for a moment and replied calmly,
"I thought I did know because whoever I talked to when I called and asked told me it was vegetarian."
"Oh." Giggle Giggle. "Well sometimes the cooks will lie."
I could have choked her with my meat-laced spaghetti.
Another similar, yet not so dramatic occurrence, is the whole reason why I just eat cheese pizza from fast food places.This is because one time I ordered mushrooms and took a big bite and found that a piece of sausage was in my mouth. I screamed and spit it out...which brings us to #7.
7. Sausage. Or anything coming from a pig. What is it exactly? My family can attest to this fear when once we were at Briggs (Best. Breakfast. Ever.) and somehow my hair landed in the sausage on my dad's plate. Suddenly I was screaming "Ah! I've got sausage hair!!!" And the entire restaurant was looking at me like I was crazy.
6. Charles Manson. And yet, no matter how frightened I am of this man, I am truly fascinated by any book, t.v., special, article, ect. the news has to offer me. I have no explanation for this.
5. The random things that go bump in the night. I hear these noises all of the time and am convinced that it's something of the super natural persuasion. I also hold these beings (?) responsible for the socks that go missing in the laundry. And there is nothing more scary than the idea of a ghost wearing just one of your socks. Think about it people....think about it.
4.Vampires. I. Hate. It. When anything is choking my neck or touching my neck. Perhaps it is because my mom used to always dress me in turtle necks (all colors of the rainbow...gotta love the 80's). But I feel like anything touching my neck, whether it's a necklace or a sweater or whatever, secludes me from oxygen and I suddenly feel like I'm suffocating. Hence the reference to vampires...they choke you with their teeth. And the whole idea of that freaks me out...
3.Drowning. Perhaps this certain fear comes from the fact that my brother and his friends use to always find it funny to dunk me and hold me under the water a little too long...I will say however that they did not think it was oh so funny when I discovered how quick of a reaction I could get when I started kicking frantically and landed in areas I will not say. (Use your imagination.)
2.Cartman from South Park. Creepy ass cartoon cooked that kids' parents and fed them to him....That's just messed up. And that episode marked the end of my South Park phase.
1.My own ability to hurt myself (unwillingly mind you) via falling down the stairs, running into brick walls, getting hit by a parked car, tripping over invisible objects....the list goes on. And I have yet to kill myself by accident. This is truly a miracle.
No comments:
Post a Comment