I have a confession to make.....I want to flaunt my happiness!!!! Is that really such a bad thing? Why do I have this constant fear that I'm going to offend somebody if I'm always wanting to talk about how happy I am with things in my life right now. I mean, I should be happy, right? I have a wonderful family and we all actually, not only love, but LIKE each other. That's a big deal! And I'm so happy and in love that sometimes it hurts because I just feel like I'm going to burst! I'm no longer frustrated because the person I'm with isn't communicating well enough or because I don't trust him or whatever....I actually get frustrated because I can't stress enough how in love I am without using the same expressions and wording over and over again. It's like, there are no words that can truly display the love and affection and friendship we hold and cherish with each other.
So why is it that I sometimes find myself feeling guilty in certain company? Maybe it's because I know what it feels like to always be sad. I don't like to think about it. And I don't ever want to go back to that time of my life, even in memory. But I am sympathetic to those who can't seem to find whatever it is they're searching for in life, whether it be friendship, love or God, or all of the above.
It's like we're cursed to have this constant need for searching for that something that we can't even begin to define. And sometimes it's right there. Right in front of your face screaming at you. I used to think that everybody can find happiness if they search hard enough within themselves, even though there was a time when I can honestly say I had completely lost hope. But it's hope that holds a person together. And it's this same hope that saves so many of us from falling off the deep end completely. But some people give up.
I guess that's why it makes me so sad when I see someone lose that hope. And then I feel neglectful because inside...I don't want to feel sad. I want to be happy. Is that selfish? Is there a way to separate the two from one another? I mean, is it possible to be so utterly happy and still feel bad for everyone else who can't find the same sort of happiness or even catch a quick glimpse of it? Why can't I just let it go? Why do I have this incessant need to make sure everyone else is ok? When will I learn to accept that it's ok to not only take care of me, but to not feel guilty for doing so?
Because the truth is. I'm actually happy with me and I want to shout out to the world and scream "HELLO WORLD!" Life's a fact and you make of it what you will. You only have the one chance so why not make it the best you can possibly make it? Why not take advantage of what you have without taking it for granted? Why not accept things for the way that they are and if you can't, find a way to change it. It's possible! I've seen it. I'm living proof of it. So stop complaining. Stop being miserable. Stop feeling sorry for yourself. Live your life to the fullest you can. Be happy and honest with yourself and the people around you. That's the reality. That's the truth. And that's the beauty behind it all.
I'm tired of feeling bad and letting it get in the way of my happiness. Life is too short. And if that makes me a cynic or a horrible person, than I guess that's what I am. It's not that I don't care, because I do. In fact, I care more than most. (Hence the fact that I'm taking time right now to write this all down:). But no longer will I let these things get in my way. It's not worth it in the end and I'm not meant to fix it anyway. I've found that out the hard way and even now have to remind myself from time to time that I don't have to "save" anyone but myself. And I've done that but not without the help of all the people around me who do really care about me.
Happiness should not be a burden to bare. And no longer will I make it one. So here it is, I'm gonna flaunt this happiness with every bit of my being because that's part of who I am. No one ever got anywhere through being negative. And you never know, perhaps it might rub off on somebody along the way.
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