Dear Lorelai, Tuna, Phoebe, Leira, Dip and Bianca,
Yet again, I have some small requests/favors to ask of you at this time. Perhaps you may remember hearing some of them once (twice, maybe three) times before, but in case you forgot, I am here to remind you. So here it goes.
Considering that I already owe at least $500 in vet bills (yes. this is with my 75% discount...), please refrain from making me think that you are "sick" and causing me to spend un-needed expenses just because you are "neglected" and don't get enough attention. This means:
Lorelai: I know that you prefer a tidy litterbox and that it is "un-fit" for you to have to urinate in cat litter that has already been soiled by one of your fellow felines. This being said, I do appreciate your efforts in refraining from peeing on a pile of clothes or a blanket lying on the floor. However, the Christmas tree skirt and the rug downstairs are also off limits. If you continue to do this, it makes me feel as though you have crystals in your urine again (even though she's on special food) and then mommy gets paranoid that you are going into renal failure and that your kidneys are shot and that I am a bad pet owner for "letting" this happen. If you hate going to the vet so much, knowing full well that I am going to poke you to get a urine sample, please make sure you really are sick before I have to do go far as to take you in for the Dr. to re-examine you (again).
P.S. Though, better than a rug or a pile of clothes, urinating in the spare bathtub (and I think maybe our regular one as well...though I try not to think about it) is. not. an. option. either.
Tuna: The only medical issue you have is your asthma and that seems to be under control at this very moment. Let's. Keep. It. That. Way.
Phoebe: I know all you want in life is cake and I get that. I mean. Who doesn't? But sweetie, it just can't happen. Cake isn't for kitties. Let. It. Go. (On a side note, though it's cute when you have your spaz-attacks, running up the stairs and then persistently running around in circles, chasing your tail...it worries me and makes me think you are having a seizure. Please stop before un-needed medical attention occurs in your world for no reason what-so-ever other than the fact that your mother is a hypochondriac for her pets.)
Leira: For the love of God! Tell me where the fleas are coming from! I can't keep bleaching every blanket, carpet, pillow, piece of fabric you touch because I see one flea, freak out and therefore think the whole house is infected. Also, though I love corn chips, the fact that you occasionally smell like them kind of makes me not want mexican food for awhile. This just makes me sad. You don't want momma to be sad do you?
Dip: You too make noises at times that sound like you are having a seizure. This MRRMAH loudness/nonsense needs to stop. Especially early in the morning when all you are really trying to do is get fed. Also, so not funny when you freaked me out that time because you weren't acting like yourself and I performed blood-work on you, only to find that you are perfectly healthy. What is that all about?
Bianca: My only request from you is not health related (though this does not incline you to develop a health issue of your own). All I ask of you is to stop egging Lorelai on. I know that you two have not yet come to terms, but if either of you lands on my face again when in the midst of an argument, words will be had. (Of the four-letter variety if you know what I mean.)
I believe this is all for now. Please let me know if you have any questions/comments to provide.
Sincerely,
Momma
No comments:
Post a Comment