Top 10 moments of 2009!

OK. Yes. I know I'm a little late with this post but it's been a bit crazy in my world of late...It's taken me awhile to catch up after the holiday season. But here it is, what you have all been waiting for (I'm sure:),my best of best top 10 moments of 2009!

10)DVR...see #5 below. The night that my favorite show kept being interrupted by the movement of the wind outside, made our decision to finally crack down and buy the stupid DVR.
9)At our engagement party when my Mom totally struck Andrew's Dad down. It. Was. Classic. Setting: Our little townhouse where we are enjoying the company of family and friends together at last. My Mom sitting opposite from Andrew's Dad and they are all conversing of top music hits and such. Andrew's Dad claims an answer to some obscure question asked and my Mom blurts out, "NO! It was such and such...." (In all honesty, I forget what the question/answer was in relation to...but it was hilarious!). Imagine. My mother, all sweet and quiet and innocent and she just blurts out across the room that my future father-in-law is indeed wrong. And to top it all off...my future mother-in-law sides with my Mom, leaving Andrew's Dad completely and utterly alone in his (apparently_ not so infinite wisdom in old t.v. and music). Priceless. Simply priceless.
8)The love of cooking coming back full swing. I used to always associate cooking with depression. As a teenager, I would stay in the kitchen for hours baking cookies and trying out new recipes (of course never to take a bite of any of it myself). It kept me pre-occupied and calmed me somehow. For the longest time, I had a hard time re-surfacing this love of cooking and trying out new foods. But now this love is back with a vengeance and I've come up with some very good results (per Andrew:).
7)The Vampire craze. It's strange considering how afraid I was, and still am, of Dracula. I have suddenly become obsessed with "Twilight-like" stories where the heroine falls for the vampire because he's "really a nice guy". I'm not sure what this says about me but I know I"m not alone in this, due to the fact that these types of books /movies/shows, ect have been some of the top-sellers for months and months on end. I am aware that these creatures are not being true to the "originals" that Bela Legosi and Vincent Price portrayed years ago. But I think the reason behind my new obsession is the fact that I always felt a soft spot for every "monster" my daddy introduced us to as kids. Pat and I grew up watching Frankenstein, the Mummy, The Wolfman, Godzilla, ect...and I loved each and every one of these characters because they all had some sort of human aspect to them. However, Dracula was one that I never felt bad for and each time he came out lurking from inside of that creepy-ass coffin, I wanted to stake him myself. My point is that now vampires have somehow been "redeemed". There are still your nasty ones...you know, the ones that want to stalk you, lure you in, ask you to invite them in, chew on your neck and then kill you....but there are some lovers out there too. One more thing. I know I have a problem because the other day, I found myself watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer upstairs, going downstairs to watch The Vampire Diaries, and reading one of the Sookie Stockhouse novels that the HBO series True Blood is based on. (Plus, I just bought the first season of True Blood on DVD.) I am not above it all to proclaim that I do have a problem and it must be addressed. But I'm not in any hurry to do so:).
6)Dip and Bianca coming to live with us. I make this specific event as number 6, not to be mean but due to the details surrounding it. The main reason, other than that they're wonderful cats and fantastic additions to our growing family, is that I had made a promise to my grandmother that I would find a great home for them since she was no longer able to care for them herself. She passed away soon after this promise was made. I fought with it for a long time, keeping these sweet kitties at the hospital, displayed up front in hopes that someone perfect would snatch them up. We all knew what the end result would be. Andrew had already called it when he saw the look on Mama Dot's face when she asked me to take on this task. He knew at that moment that we would eventually have 5 cats. And he was right. I knew that this is what she wanted and I couldn't deny it any longer. And I swear that she speaks through them when she sees fit to do so. I can't tell you how many times I have looked at one of them and felt her presence. "Speaking" beyond the grave has been a family tradition on my Dad's side of the family for years. And I have to honestly say, I have no complaints knowing that the people who have passed on in my life, are still very much with me.
5)Glee. Hey! Don't knock it until you watch it. It's an amazing show, full of sweet, lovable characters and story-lines. Not to mention, wonderful music accompanied by spectacular dancing. I. Love. It! (In fact, I already own volume 1 and 2 soundtracks AND the first volume of Season 1!) So exciting! I know what you are thinking and the answer is No! I. Am. Not Obsessed. Really...I'm not....
4)Road trip to Colorado on a budget. (And I mean...On. A. Budget.) It was fantastic! The way the Great Out West should be seen! Completely random stops including but not limited to old movie sets, great memorials, national parks and a Huge ass statue of Jesus. I ask you....Can it really get any better than that?
3) Andrew being at my Mom and Dad's to celebrate Christmas. I can't even begin to explain how wonderful it felt to have everyone I love the most together for Christmas. It's my most favorite time of year and one of the best Christmas' I've ever had. The 6 of us felt like a family and though I know there will be many more Christmas' like this to follow, this first one, I will never forget.
2)Meeting my idol Dar Williams. Do I really have to say more? (If so...please see blog post from August 2, 2009 intitled "Heroes".
1) Obviously...it was meeting Dar Williams...no wait, I already put that as my #2.....hmmmm. What could #1 be? I can't imagine....perhaps it has something to do with the ring on my left, ring finger. EEEK!!!! I'm finally getting married:)

Things that make me go...huh?

• I have currently ran out of face wash and not yet made it to the store to buy more. However, I have been using my regular body wash and yet, my face seems to be clearing up better than it was when I was using my face wash twice a day. Case in point? I have spent hundreds (OK, let's be honest...hundred singular...which is pushing it) of dollars on all different kinds of face wash. And now it seems all I had to do was use the body wash I already had.....interesting.
• I was walking the Leira dog this evening and was completely stunned to see that someone on my road has put up a Christmas tree that appears to be spray painted white. To make it worse, it is covered in bright neon pink and green and yellow lights. Can. You. Say. Hideous? Perhaps that is a bit harsh. Who am I to be judgmental on Christmas....but really?
• Speaking of said white Christmas tree listed above...I think I spotted a menorah in the same window.....Is that allowed for the Jewish?
• I don't consider myself too much of a TV watcher. In fact, I can be pretty harsh on TV shows if I don't like the pilot. And yet...I watch The Nanny religiously. What. Is. That?
• No matter what I do to try to prevent it, laundry always piles up and is a never ending process. Where does it all come from? And how do I make it stop?
• I have found that children under the age of 2 are not interested in the present inside the box, only the box itself and perhaps the ribbon used to decorate it therefore causing a slightly possible chance that he will be visiting the emergency room sometime in his very near future...
  
• When decorating the tree at work last week, I knew that one of my co-workers was having a bad day. Therefore I asked her if she would like to join in the Christmas spirit. She looked at me blankly and said "I've never liked decorating Christmas trees. I let my husband and son do it this year. All I had to do was buy one of those big boxes of multicolored ornaments at Target and I'll just throw them all away at the end of the year." I can't tell you how sad this makes me.
• We have a dog that has been coming to work during the day to Hospital board. He is actually going to be boarding during the entire weekend. I walked in on a conversation of one of the technicians complaining about why he is boarding all of the time. I looked at her and said "His mom is in a wheel chair and can't take care of him during the day." She looked at me and replied, "I mean I know she has MS but......".......All I have to say is REALLY?
• The paper towel dispenser attacked me today and made me pull a muscle in my neck. That can't be normal, right?
• The movie Stigmata. Two words. Purple. Jellies.
  

Horror on Glendower

There are times that I don't care too much for having a vivid imagination. For example, when the power goes out, I'm home alone and I still have to get ready for work. (AKA: Having to take a shower in the dark, scary bathroom...)

I think to myself as the lights flicker to a permanent "off" (of course perfectly timed to do so as Andrew is driving himself off to work...figures), "OK. This can't be too bad right?" I grab a couple of candles and walk up the dark staircase to the bathroom.

Even during the middle of the day, it is pitch black. I try to light one candle. Burn myself in the process and have false hope in accomplishing lighting it for the first time, only to watch the minuscule flame flicker out before my very eyes.

I glance around accusingly, "OK. Did a ghost just blow out my candle for shits and giggles?"

I try another candle, burning myself yet again, but manage to keep the flame intact. I follow suit by lighting several more candles and set them all on the toilet seat. I look around.

Um. The bathroom is still pretty dark.

Damn. It.

So I go downstairs in hopes that time will make the candle light seem brighter. (Shut-up. When you're scared, any excuse to prolong the situation works in the mind of the over-imaginative.)

I sit in front of our bay window because it is the only place in the house that lets a lot of light in. I stair outside and watch the stupid workmen who are responsible for this predicament.

I silently curse them.

The. Evil. Bastards.

I look at the clock and realize I cannot wait any longer.

It is time.

I make sure (several times I might add) that the front door is locked (back door too even though we hardly ever use it. But I can't take any chances.) I begrudgingly walk back up the stairs with my dog Leira at my heels.

I silently think to myself, "well should someone decide to break in while I'm in the shower, surely my dog or at least one of our 5 cats would protect me."

I try not to think too hard over the mere fact that said dog is actually afraid of at least one of said 5 cats and that most likely my last vision before being brutally murdered via being stabbed to death, would be of my pansy-ass dog's rear end sticking out from under the bed. (I think she thinks she's an ostrich?)

Guard dog she is not.

I make it upstairs only to find that my brilliant idea of waiting for the candlelight to get brighter has back-fired.

The "lighting" is just as dull as before.

I sigh, try the light switch one last time (just in case)- nothing but darkness and mocking flames.

"Here goes." I think to myself.

As I step in the shower, I turn to find Leira and one of our cats Lorelai sitting by the door to the bathroom.

Awe. Perhaps they would protect me after all.

While in the shower, I think I hear a noise downstairs. I peer timidly out from behind the shower curtain, Lorelai and Leira are gone...

Traitors!

I pick up the pace in the shower trying not to think of the random scenarios going through my head. For example:

The noise I heard is one of the workmen I had previously seen outside. But he is not a workman. he is in disguise and he is a known rapist/murderer and I am his next victim. He stalks around my downstairs dining room after breaking the lock on the front door and peers down at something on the kitchen table.

It's a notepad and what appears to be a short story. He thinks to himself, "Ah. She's a writer. Too bad she will never be published because she will be dead soon." [insert evil laugh here].

As for his appearance, he has a mullet and a handle bar mustache, clothed in tight dark jeans and a flannel shirt that barely covers his beer gut.

He creeps up the stairs to find me.

So as you might have guessed, in thinking of all of this, I am slightly panicked. I keep peering out from the shower curtain, expecting to see said scary ass man standing there in my dark bathroom with a hatchet. In doing this over and over again, the only thing I accomplish is managing to get shampoo in my eyes and panicking even more because now I can't even see my attacker coming. I try to open my eyes more and more but the burning is too much and I am now blind.

Forget it.

I've had enough. Still soapy and wet, I turn off the faucet and grab for a towel. (This takes me a few minutes considering I still can't see...)

I wrap the towel around me and slowly pull the shower curtain back.

Silence.

There is no one there.

Whew.

But what if he's hiding behind the door and he's just waiting for me to step out of the bathroom for him to do his evil deed?

I feel so small and trapped in my little, dark bathroom.

I hear a noise. I hear footsteps. I open my mouth to scream and then....


"Chiiiiiirp meeeeeeow." says Lorelai as she struts into the bathroom and looks at my fear stricken face.

She looks at me in a way that says, "It's OK Mama. Stop freaking out."

I begin to giggle at myself. Then my giggles turn into chuckles. Now I'm boiled over with laughter and I can't seem to make myself stop.

I. Am. Delirious.

One things for sure though. If this horrid thing ever happens again. I'm going to work dirty.

It's just not worth the effort.

Squirrel or Dog? That is the question.

So for those of you who don't know this already, our dog Leira's favorite toy is her stuffed squirrel. (In all reality, it is no longer stuffed because she ripped all of the fun fluffy stuff out and it is indeed flat. Plus I don't really think it's a squirrel. Perhaps it's a cat...? But at any rate, it is not really recognizable now what type of "animal" it started out as...so we just call it her squirrel.)

And because of her love for her favorite toy, when I came across a squirrel costume in target around Halloween...I couldn't resist. I mean really? What is cuter than a dog dressed as a squirrel?

Can't think of anything can you?

No?

That's what I thought.

But I have a feeling that somehow during playtime with her squirrel and dressing her up like one, Leira might...just might be a bit confused.

This thought crossed my mind the other morning when I was taking her on her walk. We were quietly frolicking along the sidewalk when I saw a squirrel running across the street. It just so happened that a car was coming very quickly down the road (because people are stupid around here and drive too fast...ahem). I glanced up at the squirrel who had chosen that precise moment to sit and investigate an acorn....IN THE STREET!

Without even thinking, I yelled "Run squirrel run!" In which at this time Leira picked up her pace to full speed and started running as fast as she could.....

The squirrel made it but by this time I had another thought brewing in my mind...did Leira perhaps think I was yelling at her to run? Does she think she's a squirrel when indeed she is not? Have I given her some kind of inter-species complex?

I looked down in the middle of my thought process because Leira had come to a full stop. She was chewing on something she had found in the grass. I began trying to pry the contents out of her mouth and alas found that the object of which she was chewing was....

An acorn....

My God. What have I done?

Bless the Southern Culture

Growing up in the outskirts of Asheville, NC in Buncombe County, I learned many phrases that might seem unusual to any outsider. Upon thinking of this fact the other day, I found that many of these phrases include the word "bless". We southerners like to bless everything. Here are just a few examples:

"Bless your Heart."

"Bless him."[insert "I feel sorry for you" face here]

"Did you hear that crazy lady bless me out?" (I found that Andrew had never heard of this phrase and when I used it he looked at me like he was confused. I didn't hold it against him though...he's one of them northerners.)

"That happens too me every blessed time." (This one's a nicer way to use the word "f***".)

In church, we like to scream "Bless the Lord." a lot. But I have also found that this phrase is also used in other circumstances such as when a child does something cute or stupid. This is when your grandmother looks at you and shakes her head saying "bless the Lord you is and idiot."

And last but not least, "Bless my soul."

Let me just say, I am very blessed (ooh! that was another one!) to have grown up in a southern culture. It is part of who I am today.

Bless my little heart.

Punch bug, slow bug...it's all the same when your'e being hit by your mother.

My brother and I taught our parents the rules of the game "punch buggy [insert color here] back when I was in middle school....17 years ago.

Should you ever travel in the car with my parents in this day and age, you will be forced to hear from the backseat random bits of conversation interrupted by "Blue!" or "Green" and a swift punch into the opposite person's shoulder. And as if nothing happened at all, the conversation will resume.

For example, Andrew and I went to visit my parents a couple of weekends ago and this is the conversation we were forced to listen in on.

Mom: "I'm so excited about Jackson Brown, but I haven't brought myself..."Red!" (then punches my Dad mercilessly as hard as she can) to listen to him too much because i don't want to get too excited before the concert."

Dad: "Which Carrabba's are we going to?" (There are only two in Asheville and we always go to the same one so I'm not sure why he asks this question every time we go...it will always remain a mystery to me.)

Mom turns around to look at us in the backseat and is side-swiped by Dad's ruthless punch into her right arm "Silver" he yells.

Mom: without a bit of distraction, "where do you guys want to go?"

Andrew and I just stare completely baffled at the violence that sits before us.

On a slightly different note, I can't tell you how many times I have been driving my Mom somewhere when out of nowhere she hits me and almost startles me to the point I run off the road. I stare at her in the passenger seat looking so sweet and innocent, constantly reminding her that I am not Dad and that she almost gave me a heart attack.

Mom: "Oh I'm so sorry." (But it never stops her...nope. She still does it. She claims it's because she's so used to riding in the car with Dad. But I honestly think it's her way of getting back at me for giving her such a hard time when I was a teenager.)

It should really be a form of child abuse. I can see it in the headlines now, "Punch Buggy Lavender. It's Not To Late To Seek Help Now."

It could be the next episode on "The Closer."

An episode that I could completely identify with.

Obcession: Perhaps something of an addiciton.

I have a problem. That's the first step right? Getting through the denial...the denial of "I can stop any time." "I don't really need to spend the money so I'll pass." "One excuse after another until it hits....

No longer do you have enough space to put them all. No longer do you even have the extra corner to throw in another bookcase in order to place them. You're stuck and yet....you crave more.

That's right. You guessed it.

Hi. My name is Mary and I am a hoarder of books.

There, I said it. Whew. I fell so much better!

But seriously, when is enough enough? I tell myself over and over again, "Mary, there are so many books on your shelves that you haven't read...and even if you try to read 4 and 5 at a time, if you keep buying more, there is no way to catch up."

But the buying of said books continues. From classics, to memoirs, to cheesy vampire series' I tend to drift to in the "popular teen" section. (Hey! I said I have a problem. I never said I was proud of it.)

I walk into a bookstore calmly and think to myself, "I'll just browse. I don't need to buy."

But then I see a shiny new cover of an author I collect (never mind that I haven't even read one word of said author...but her covers are preeety and shiny and I find myself addicted to buying the whole series before I even glance at the first page.)

Then there are those authors I am so in love with because I have read everything they have ever written and the moment they release a new book it's like homemade brownies to a pothead.

I. Want. Them. All. (books....and brownies)

Is that really so much to ask?

Maybe I just need a bigger place to where I can put more bookshelves and therefore more books. That would solve my problem right? And then...it wouldn't be a problem anymore.

I. Am. A. GENIUS!

Ooh. I think I'll go browse on Amazon right now.

You know, just to look.