A letter to my cats:

Dear Lorelai, Tuna, Phoebe, Dip and Bianca,

Here en lies a list of things I would like for you to start considering as you live out your everyday lives in the nice household that we have provided for you:

1) It is OK to let me know when the litter boxes need to be cleaned, however please refrain from doing so by way of urinating on a pile of clean clothes in the laundry basket.

2) Please note; every time we come through the big door that creeks and has an enormous room that you have yet to be able to explore, DOES NOT, I repeat, DOES NOT mean that you will be getting fed. However, if you insist on meeting me at the door, please be considerate enough not to step in my way when I'm carrying a pile of groceries.

3)At no time has the bathtub been appointed a litter box. I do not know where you got this information, but it was inaccurate, and I ask you to forget that you ever thought such a thing would be OK with me.

4) I love that you like to help out around the house by redecorating. (aka tearing the tapestries down, picking on the furniture, etc). But please leave the cleaning to me. Because next time I go to put the tapestry back on the wall for the hundredth billionth time, I would prefer not to find any reminisce of a hairball that you tried to cover up in hopes I wouldn't notice.

5) Please please please stop setting up the dog for failure. You know she's just slow and happy and wants to please everyone. So, if it's not too much trouble, please refrain from knocking everything off the counters, therefore knocking them right onto her level, so that she can chew them up and bring them to me later.It's just not a nice thing to do.

6)I have come to terms with the fact that you are going to continue getting up on the counters, regardless how much I protest, therefore making cat hair a permanent ingredient in our daily meals. (What our guests don't know won't hurt them). However, I can not accept feline saliva into this understanding. So next time I freak out because you have your head in the spaghetti sauce, remember this note and consider yourself warned.

7) I love it when you make biscuits on my stomach or on the blanket beside me. It's so cute and sweet and loving. However, please refrain from making biscuits on my face for it is no longer cute when you do so.

8) Please observe that there are 5-6 bowls of water arranged all about the house, therefore there is no need to trip me every time I turn on the sink to get a glass of water of my own, therefore only making a mess and possibly breaking my neck.

9) And last but certainly not least. Please note that you do not decide when it's time for you to eat. Just because the clock says it's 6:15 and the alarm goes off, does not give you any right to come play with my hair, chew on my ears, scratch at my face and jump on Andrew's balls. This is not a game. Sleep is so very important. Please keep this very significant point in mind.

Thank you for your time and cooperation.

Sincerely,
Mary

Tuna helping re-decorate:)