It amazes me...

The story you are about to read is true, though the names have been changed (other than my own) to protect the stupid....

So I was making some call backs yesterday (i.e: getting progress reports on patients seen in the last week or so, etc) and I called an owner who had come in last week with a new shelter puppy. (We currently have an agreement with the Wake County shelter for those owners who adopt and bring in their new pet within 5 days. The first exam is always free as long as the pet is brought in within that time period and there are several other things included in the agreement as well. Unfortunately, a lot of times, new owners think that it is ALL going to be free...for the rest of their new pet's life and so on. So we have to explain that this is not the case. This is important "need to know information" for the story ahead.)

So i call the owner, from here on known as Mr. Dumb-ass, and he picks up the phone:

"Yeah."

"Hi! This is Mary over at __________ Animal Hospital and I was just calling to check in on Haley to see how she is doing since her visit here last week."

Long pause. "Yeah...well she's been vomiting, let's see...Monday....Tuesday...and also Wednesday." Another long pause (And I'm thinking in my head...but it's Thursday? Why the hell haven't you called us back?)

"Oh. Well how is she doing otherwise? Is she eating and drinking OK? How is her attitude?"

"Her what?"

"How has she been acting?"

"Oh. She's fine. She's just been vomiting some yellow stuff. And she's been eating except she hasn't eaten anything today."

"OK. Well I would definitely recommend that you have her seen if she continues to have the vomiting and a decrease in appetite."

Long Pause.

"Hello?"

"So....Why would I need to bring her in again?"

This was a moment where I carried a small pause. (Is he being serious? Am I being recorded?)

"Well sir. Since she has been vomiting for several days, she probably doesn't feel very well and should therefore be seen by a doctor." (AKA How would you feel if you had been vomiting for 3 whole days Mr Dumb-ass?!?!!!)

"Oh. Well if I brought her in, would it be covered under that whole shelter agreement thing?"

"Unfortunately, no sir it would not." (Meaning: Yea for you for adopting a new dog and saving it from a shelter life or early euthanasia...but just because you paid your $50 doesn't not mean that this pet is going to cost you nothing for the rest of her life!)

"Why?"

"Because she didn't come to you vomiting. If she had come to you with that particular issue, then yes, the treatment would be covered."

"Oh. Well she didn't start the vomiting until you guys gave her that medication." (Wow. This would have been some good information to have 5 minutes ago...)

"Oh. Well I apologize sir but I still recommend that Haley be seen."

"Do you really think it's that important?"

"If she continues to vomit, yes I do." (NO! I mean why else would I be wasting my time having this lovely conversation with you!?)

"Well what can I do to make it stop."

"Sir, you would need to bring her in to have a doctor see her because the vomiting could be due to several different factors."

Long pause. "So you can't tell me why she's vomiting...."

"No sir. I can't." (Seriously?)

"So is this serious?"

Oh. My. God.

"Again sir, I can't really tell you how good or bad of a situation it is because I'm only a technician and a DOCTOR needs to look at her to re-evaluate the situation. So if she continues to vomit, you need to have her seen somewhere."

"But it's not free."

"No sir. It's not free."

"I'll just watch her for a few more days and take her to my vet if she continues to vomit. Since you guys aren't going to do it for free." (Really? Are they going to do it for free? Very unlikely.)

"OK. Well I hope she feels better. Give us a call if you need anything."

Long pause.

"Hello?"

"You mean if she's still vomiting?"

"Yes. If she's still vomiting or not eating." (You are such a dumb-ass. I hope you don't have children.)

"OK."

"OK." (Jeez. Some people should not have pets.)

Let me just say, it's moments like these where I can only say through gritted teeth....I. Love. My. Job.