Andrew and I have "discovered" a new show on the Soap network called Being Erica. It takes place in Toronto, Canada and it's about a girl who undergoes a different type of therapy in which time travel is involved. I know. Sounds a little silly at first but think about it. Wouldn't you go back if you could? Not so much to change anything but to try to learn from it in hopes that you can move on or even change something about yourself.
Andrew asked me the other day, "What would you go back and tell your 20 year old self if you could give her advice?"
I jokingly replied, "Stay away from ass holes and bald guys." (Unfortunately both of these traits may or may not apply to the same person....)
But the truth is, I wouldn't have listened anyway. (I didn't listen to the little voices in my head that only got louder and louder the more I ignored them. It wasn't until they were screaming at me that I realized I needed to make a change.)
So anyway, the show begins with Erica having to make a list of her top 25 regrets. Then Dr. Tom sends her back in time to relive them in hopes of helping her let go.
I've always gone about life in a way that claims, I have no regrets. At least that's what I tell myself and other people when asked. The truth is, that's bull shit. OF COURSE I have regrets! I'm not going to sit here and bore you with a typed out list of my top 25, but I am going to ask you, what would you do/change if you could go back? Would you do/change anything?
What if time travel therapy were possible?
It's funny how we perceive things. Many of us go about life constantly asking ourselves, "what if?" What if I had stayed with that person? What if I had had that child? What if I had called my grandmother more? And so on and so on. We rarely get a second chance. And quite possibly, if we could go back, events might not seem quite the same as how we originally remembered or perceived them. A person might not appear quite so wonderful and we might be reminded of why we chose the path we did in the first place. But why are we so quick to forget when things start to get tricky again?
It's a constant battle. Life. We grow so much, sometimes without even realizing it. And sometimes we regress, again, without even realizing. This is when we need to get back to the core of things. Go back to the basics. Remember who we are and who we are continuing to strive to be. It's OK to get a little lost. And I think it's normal to sometimes want to go back and re-do an event in our lives. Obviously not through time travel (though that would be pretty damn nifty.) But how can we be happy with our present, if we can't let go of our past?
We all have our regrets and perhaps things we wish could change about ourselves or our lives. The main thing to keep in mind is that no matter what, we have to be true to ourselves. So that's what I'm going to strive to do on a day to day basis.
Because I am Mary, and "being Mary" is who I want to be.
Saturday, January 29, 2011
Friday, January 28, 2011
Instant Karma
I am a firm believer in Karma.
I think that what we do on an every day basis, good or bad, reflects on our accomplishments and failures.
However, I also believe in God, or a higher being if you will (whatever you want to call him/her.) And I believe this God has a sense of humor....sometimes a very sick sense of humor.
For instance, I feel like I'm a pretty good person. No. I'm not perfect but I do try to go about life in a manner of "do unto others as they would have done to you." But if you really sit down and think about this statement...I mean really really think, not everyone's perception of what they would do or not do is the same.
For example, when going into a restaurant or a store, I try to always be conscious of people coming in and out and therefore, I often hold the door open and offer them to go on ahead in or out of said building. This is not the case for everyone though. SOME people apparently would love to be run over while trying to leave the restaurant with their hands full and then promptly have someone allow the door to close while you are frantically trying to catch it with your foot, while balancing your food with both hands. Not to mention the fact that some people don't require the use of the words, please, thank you and excuse me.
So having this similar situation presented to me only today, it got me thinking. Did I do something recently that instituted such actions to be made? Am I being punished for something, not even realizing what I have done? Or is it something that goes way back....some random mistake that I'm still serving time for? (If you want to get really deep with this thought, I am suddenly reminded of one of my favorite Indigo Girl songs, Galileo, and the lyric that states "And you had to bring up reincarnation over a couple of beers the other night. And now I'm serving time for mistakes made by another in another lifetime." But the verdict is still not out on whether or not I believe in reincarnation. So that is perhaps another discussion for another time.)
Or is God just up there,looking down at me, having himself/herself a good laugh as I turn around only to walk, smack dab into a tree and one of its branches pokes me in the eye? Hey. It's the challenges in life that make us stronger, right?
But seriously. I do feel that if you perform a bad act, such as killing some one or robbing a bank, you do eventually get what's coming to you. But what if you don't do any of these things?Or what if you do, but you don't get caught? It brings up that ever so popular question of "why do bad things happen to good people?" It's amazing how we can so quickly judge someone for doing something bad and then when something bad happens to them, it's not a surprise because we already have the answer as to why this bad thing, whatever it is, happened to them. When something bad happens to someone good, we are only left with the question of why?
The truth is, we really don't know why anything good or bad happens to any of us. It's all based on faith and what we believe or don't believe. But no matter how you look at it, you're looking at it blindly because no one truly knows ANY of this.
But our beliefs and our faith are what get most of us through life just a little less painfully. And this is why I go about life in a manner that makes me strive to be just a little bit better. A little more kind. A little more strong when someone I love is in pain. A little more positive when someone else can't quite see the light at the end of the tunnel. And I'm grateful to say that I have so many people in my life who are there to do the same for me.
So there you have it folks.You can call it whatever you see fit. I think I'm with the Beatles though because no matter what you do, good or bad, "instant karma is going to get you", whether you believe in it or not. We might not understand it and we might often find ourselves asking each other "why?" But I guess that's just the mystery of life....For whatever reason, I guess we just aren't supposed to know all of the answers. I think that's why most of us hold on to something opposed to nothing.
I think that what we do on an every day basis, good or bad, reflects on our accomplishments and failures.
However, I also believe in God, or a higher being if you will (whatever you want to call him/her.) And I believe this God has a sense of humor....sometimes a very sick sense of humor.
For instance, I feel like I'm a pretty good person. No. I'm not perfect but I do try to go about life in a manner of "do unto others as they would have done to you." But if you really sit down and think about this statement...I mean really really think, not everyone's perception of what they would do or not do is the same.
For example, when going into a restaurant or a store, I try to always be conscious of people coming in and out and therefore, I often hold the door open and offer them to go on ahead in or out of said building. This is not the case for everyone though. SOME people apparently would love to be run over while trying to leave the restaurant with their hands full and then promptly have someone allow the door to close while you are frantically trying to catch it with your foot, while balancing your food with both hands. Not to mention the fact that some people don't require the use of the words, please, thank you and excuse me.
So having this similar situation presented to me only today, it got me thinking. Did I do something recently that instituted such actions to be made? Am I being punished for something, not even realizing what I have done? Or is it something that goes way back....some random mistake that I'm still serving time for? (If you want to get really deep with this thought, I am suddenly reminded of one of my favorite Indigo Girl songs, Galileo, and the lyric that states "And you had to bring up reincarnation over a couple of beers the other night. And now I'm serving time for mistakes made by another in another lifetime." But the verdict is still not out on whether or not I believe in reincarnation. So that is perhaps another discussion for another time.)
Or is God just up there,looking down at me, having himself/herself a good laugh as I turn around only to walk, smack dab into a tree and one of its branches pokes me in the eye? Hey. It's the challenges in life that make us stronger, right?
But seriously. I do feel that if you perform a bad act, such as killing some one or robbing a bank, you do eventually get what's coming to you. But what if you don't do any of these things?Or what if you do, but you don't get caught? It brings up that ever so popular question of "why do bad things happen to good people?" It's amazing how we can so quickly judge someone for doing something bad and then when something bad happens to them, it's not a surprise because we already have the answer as to why this bad thing, whatever it is, happened to them. When something bad happens to someone good, we are only left with the question of why?
The truth is, we really don't know why anything good or bad happens to any of us. It's all based on faith and what we believe or don't believe. But no matter how you look at it, you're looking at it blindly because no one truly knows ANY of this.
But our beliefs and our faith are what get most of us through life just a little less painfully. And this is why I go about life in a manner that makes me strive to be just a little bit better. A little more kind. A little more strong when someone I love is in pain. A little more positive when someone else can't quite see the light at the end of the tunnel. And I'm grateful to say that I have so many people in my life who are there to do the same for me.
So there you have it folks.You can call it whatever you see fit. I think I'm with the Beatles though because no matter what you do, good or bad, "instant karma is going to get you", whether you believe in it or not. We might not understand it and we might often find ourselves asking each other "why?" But I guess that's just the mystery of life....For whatever reason, I guess we just aren't supposed to know all of the answers. I think that's why most of us hold on to something opposed to nothing.
Sunday, January 23, 2011
Skinny Jeans
Conversation between Andrew and I this past Thursday before venturing out:
Me: "Which shoes look better with these jeans?" I am adorning an Ug boot (or rather, a much cheaper, non-leather version of an Ug boot that ensures the safety of our furry friends) on one foot and on my other foot is a cute Birkenstock-type shoe (also non-leather).
Andrew looks at both feet for a second, closely observing each foot and taking in the entire outfit so as to make the right decision. (Yeah right. It took him all of 2 seconds but we were in a hurry and this was why I was asking his opinion anyway).
Andrew: "To be honest, I like the regular shoes with those jeans better than the boots."
Awesome. I love my new boots and yet have not a thing to wear with them. I secretly want to choose said boots instead of my boring "regular" shoes, but then I'll make him wonder why I asked his opinion in the first place. But I want to look cute because we never go out on a week night and I want to step it up a notch. But now I'm self conscious about the boots.
Me: Looking at the boots, "Perhaps some other time ladies."
So we went out and I didn't think anymore of it.
Then Saturday rolled along. We were going to go check out a new shopping center in town and I was getting ready. Same jeans, different shirt, so I tried both styles again in front of Andrew so as he could make the decision again. However, before giving him the chance to say anything, I run off to the bathroom to check my reflection and compare each style with my outfit. Standing on the toilet, so as to get the full effect, I sadly come to the conclusion that the shoes still look better than the boots. I come back to the couch where Andrew is still sitting, hopping on one foot as I pull the Ug off of my foot.
Me: "I think I just need to invest in a pair of skinny jeans."
Andrew: Looking a little annoyed because I always have some snide comment to add about my weight. "Boosk. You're a size 1! Those are skinny jeans!!!!"
Did I mention how much I love this man? I almost didn't have the heart to explain to him the difference between the styles. But I'm stubborn.
"No. I mean skinny jeans are the ones that are really tight and tapered at the bottom so that you can tuck them into boots easier and they don't look all puffy."
He looked a little confused for a second but then came back to life with the comment: "I like boot-cut the best." Who knew that he did actually know the difference? Guess that's what I get for not giving him credit. But now that I think about it, I guess he was right on both counts.
Technically, a size 1 should be considered "skinny jeans". Perhaps, they should think of something else to call the other ones since they indeed, come in all sizes.
Me: "Which shoes look better with these jeans?" I am adorning an Ug boot (or rather, a much cheaper, non-leather version of an Ug boot that ensures the safety of our furry friends) on one foot and on my other foot is a cute Birkenstock-type shoe (also non-leather).
Andrew looks at both feet for a second, closely observing each foot and taking in the entire outfit so as to make the right decision. (Yeah right. It took him all of 2 seconds but we were in a hurry and this was why I was asking his opinion anyway).
Andrew: "To be honest, I like the regular shoes with those jeans better than the boots."
Awesome. I love my new boots and yet have not a thing to wear with them. I secretly want to choose said boots instead of my boring "regular" shoes, but then I'll make him wonder why I asked his opinion in the first place. But I want to look cute because we never go out on a week night and I want to step it up a notch. But now I'm self conscious about the boots.
Me: Looking at the boots, "Perhaps some other time ladies."
So we went out and I didn't think anymore of it.
Then Saturday rolled along. We were going to go check out a new shopping center in town and I was getting ready. Same jeans, different shirt, so I tried both styles again in front of Andrew so as he could make the decision again. However, before giving him the chance to say anything, I run off to the bathroom to check my reflection and compare each style with my outfit. Standing on the toilet, so as to get the full effect, I sadly come to the conclusion that the shoes still look better than the boots. I come back to the couch where Andrew is still sitting, hopping on one foot as I pull the Ug off of my foot.
Me: "I think I just need to invest in a pair of skinny jeans."
Andrew: Looking a little annoyed because I always have some snide comment to add about my weight. "Boosk. You're a size 1! Those are skinny jeans!!!!"
Did I mention how much I love this man? I almost didn't have the heart to explain to him the difference between the styles. But I'm stubborn.
"No. I mean skinny jeans are the ones that are really tight and tapered at the bottom so that you can tuck them into boots easier and they don't look all puffy."
He looked a little confused for a second but then came back to life with the comment: "I like boot-cut the best." Who knew that he did actually know the difference? Guess that's what I get for not giving him credit. But now that I think about it, I guess he was right on both counts.
Technically, a size 1 should be considered "skinny jeans". Perhaps, they should think of something else to call the other ones since they indeed, come in all sizes.
Saturday, January 22, 2011
Thirty, Flirty and Thriving
In two months time, I will begin a brand new decade of my life. I will say goodbye to my twenties and hello to the unknown and uncharted territory of my thirties.
I'm not really sure how I feel about this. Most of me screams out "BRING. IT. ON!"
I mean, why not right? It's not as though I'm severely attached to my twenties. The first half was pretty much complete crap anyway, so why not start this new decade of my life with a big bang?
I do, however find myself having more difficulty with my identity. I am comfortable in my own skin and have grown to know and love the person I have become, but when it comes to expressing it, I'm not sure what I am still able to get away with.
I've never been a conformist so fashion and style have never necessarily been an issue for me. But I do find myself more and more often standing in front of clothes racks, holding something up and internally asking myself "am I still able to get away with this?" I still wear t-shirts with 80's movies logos on them (shirts, I might add, that kids who weren't even born in the 80's are wearing....Now they're "retro". I'm sorry. When exactly did that happen?) I still have to shop in the juniors section of department stores because I'm so small and any time I do try to venture into the "adult" section, I start to twitch. Let me just say, I've never been the cardigan and capri wearing girl so many of us are. Not that there is anything wrong with that. It's just not me. I have my own sense of style but I feel like I need to create a new look for the next 10 years of my life.
It's challenging and I'm not sure why it has become such a big deal. Perhaps it has something to do with the fact that I just recently bought my first couple of pairs of brand new blue jeans since I graduated from high school....thrift stores are so underrated and yes, that includes goodwill if you were wondering. And don't even get me started on the adventure I had, trying to figure out what bra size and style I am.
I try not to think about it.
I think one of my main issues is the fact that i don't tend to live my life out in order. For example, I didn't have my first drink until I was 23...no wait, maybe 26? My college years were mostly spent crammed into a small bedroom studying. And my social life has only just recently started to become a little more exciting. Maybe I'm just a late bloomer?
I remember when I was in fifth grade and my best friend at the time had just started wearing make-up and dressing more sophisticated. (Well, as "sophisticated" as any fifth grader can dress in the late eighties/early nineties. Let me also add that this was the same girl who dressed in one of my Mom's old dresses and high heels and danced with a toothbrush in front of my entire family....Enough said.) I was still in holey blue jeans and multi-colored hair ties. I remember how hurt I was when she told me I was too immature. I mean Hello! I was 10! Who isn't immature at that age?! Needless to say, once we hit middle school, we didn't remain super close.
I didn't recognize boys as anything other than stupid until about eighth grade. But I was too shy to really admit it. When I finally did reveal to my best friend (different girl) that I did indeed "like-like" somebody...she told pretty much the entire class. And that was pretty much the end of that friendship.
By ninth grade, i was ready for my first true-life boyfriend, whereas several girls in my class (and some that were even younger) were already pregnant. I waited to lose my virginity until the year I turned 22...and that was an accident.
So anyway, I'm not sure if I should approach this new time in my life differently than what I've done in the past or if I should just keep trucking along as though it were any other birthday. Everyone keeps cracking jokes about the big 3-0. So what right? It's just another number, another year. I've always said, you're only as old as you think you are. I'm just not really sure how old I am mentally....
I'm watching friends, old and new, grow up so fast. In fact, I guess that's what I've always done. Everyone has always seemed to be in such a hurry to get to this age, to grow up, to be "thirty, flirty and thriving" and yet now it seems all anyone really wants to do is slow it down. Just a little.
I'm happy that I've gone about it a bit differently. And I'm happy where I am in life right now. I'm married to the most wonderful man in the world and most importantly, he gets me. He loves me for who I am and doesn't try to change me like so many people in my past have. My family is the best any girl could ask for and I feel very fortunate at how close we are. As far as work, well, I'll put it this way, it challenges me to strive for something more in the future.
So I'll say it again 30....
Bring. It. On.
I have a whole new set of goals and dreams to reach over the course of my next 10 years and I am determined to accomplish every single on of them.
Even if it's a little out of step from everyone else.
I'm not really sure how I feel about this. Most of me screams out "BRING. IT. ON!"
I mean, why not right? It's not as though I'm severely attached to my twenties. The first half was pretty much complete crap anyway, so why not start this new decade of my life with a big bang?
I do, however find myself having more difficulty with my identity. I am comfortable in my own skin and have grown to know and love the person I have become, but when it comes to expressing it, I'm not sure what I am still able to get away with.
I've never been a conformist so fashion and style have never necessarily been an issue for me. But I do find myself more and more often standing in front of clothes racks, holding something up and internally asking myself "am I still able to get away with this?" I still wear t-shirts with 80's movies logos on them (shirts, I might add, that kids who weren't even born in the 80's are wearing....Now they're "retro". I'm sorry. When exactly did that happen?) I still have to shop in the juniors section of department stores because I'm so small and any time I do try to venture into the "adult" section, I start to twitch. Let me just say, I've never been the cardigan and capri wearing girl so many of us are. Not that there is anything wrong with that. It's just not me. I have my own sense of style but I feel like I need to create a new look for the next 10 years of my life.
It's challenging and I'm not sure why it has become such a big deal. Perhaps it has something to do with the fact that I just recently bought my first couple of pairs of brand new blue jeans since I graduated from high school....thrift stores are so underrated and yes, that includes goodwill if you were wondering. And don't even get me started on the adventure I had, trying to figure out what bra size and style I am.
I try not to think about it.
I think one of my main issues is the fact that i don't tend to live my life out in order. For example, I didn't have my first drink until I was 23...no wait, maybe 26? My college years were mostly spent crammed into a small bedroom studying. And my social life has only just recently started to become a little more exciting. Maybe I'm just a late bloomer?
I remember when I was in fifth grade and my best friend at the time had just started wearing make-up and dressing more sophisticated. (Well, as "sophisticated" as any fifth grader can dress in the late eighties/early nineties. Let me also add that this was the same girl who dressed in one of my Mom's old dresses and high heels and danced with a toothbrush in front of my entire family....Enough said.) I was still in holey blue jeans and multi-colored hair ties. I remember how hurt I was when she told me I was too immature. I mean Hello! I was 10! Who isn't immature at that age?! Needless to say, once we hit middle school, we didn't remain super close.
I didn't recognize boys as anything other than stupid until about eighth grade. But I was too shy to really admit it. When I finally did reveal to my best friend (different girl) that I did indeed "like-like" somebody...she told pretty much the entire class. And that was pretty much the end of that friendship.
By ninth grade, i was ready for my first true-life boyfriend, whereas several girls in my class (and some that were even younger) were already pregnant. I waited to lose my virginity until the year I turned 22...and that was an accident.
So anyway, I'm not sure if I should approach this new time in my life differently than what I've done in the past or if I should just keep trucking along as though it were any other birthday. Everyone keeps cracking jokes about the big 3-0. So what right? It's just another number, another year. I've always said, you're only as old as you think you are. I'm just not really sure how old I am mentally....
I'm watching friends, old and new, grow up so fast. In fact, I guess that's what I've always done. Everyone has always seemed to be in such a hurry to get to this age, to grow up, to be "thirty, flirty and thriving" and yet now it seems all anyone really wants to do is slow it down. Just a little.
I'm happy that I've gone about it a bit differently. And I'm happy where I am in life right now. I'm married to the most wonderful man in the world and most importantly, he gets me. He loves me for who I am and doesn't try to change me like so many people in my past have. My family is the best any girl could ask for and I feel very fortunate at how close we are. As far as work, well, I'll put it this way, it challenges me to strive for something more in the future.
So I'll say it again 30....
Bring. It. On.
I have a whole new set of goals and dreams to reach over the course of my next 10 years and I am determined to accomplish every single on of them.
Even if it's a little out of step from everyone else.
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